I'm dying, you're dying; we're all dying.

Time to write down more things that I'm pondering. The topic of choice has lately been death and dying (don't worry, I'm going to do the best that I can to end this on a hopeful note). With my grandparents' declining health, death has been in the back of my mind for over a year now, but recently it's back to #1 on the MindCharts. My grandpa's brother Marsh died last month and our family attended his funeral on Berkeley, California on August 11th. They showed a clip of him singing in his church choir and everyone just burst out crying. O, WERE THAT MY HEAD WERE A FOUNT OF TEARS.

Me & Uncle Marsh

You know how in lots of movies, characters out of the blue start acting like their best selves right before they die? I mean, think of the grandpa in Little Miss Sunshine or Boromir in The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring. I definitely had a moment like that the last time I saw Uncle Marsh. It was in February at my cousin Justine's wedding. If I could sum up Uncle Marsh is one word it would be verve. At Justine and Sam's reception he twirled me around on the dance floor old skool swing-style, even though they were blasting the mindless techno-pop of the masses. Although I have no formal training and looked awkward & stilted compared to Uncle Marsh's precise steps, I felt so happy and unself-conscious stomping away with him--not a care in the world. That's my last living memory I have of him. Fit for a movie.

Until Uncle Marsh had grandchildren (in 2003), I always believed myself to be his favorite. He often came on vacations with our family (as in Grandpa & Grandma, their progeny and the progeny of their progeny), even if they were in Washington. One time when we were playing around in the river near our cabin in Crystal Mountain, he specially removed the bark from a two-foot long tree branch and shined it up with the natural oils from his hands. Okay, this sounds totally random and odd, but I seriously treasured that stick. I'm sad that I lost it.

Holding that precious stick!

I was thinking yesterday in church about how God can basically take away anything or anyone from us, whenever he wants. Dude, the Buddhists were onto something with the whole "impermanence" thing. And accepting this truth is what makes anything valuable at all. I value my relationship with my Grandpa because I know that at any moment I can lose him to death.

By talking about this I am in no way suggesting that everyone take self-protective measures and never become attached to anyone ever because they're all just going to die anyway. Ugh, GET BEHIND ME, NIHILISM! Nah, that's a miserable way to live life.

I would like to suggest an alternative. I would argue that it's possible to simultaneously (1) hold in mind the reality and inevitability of death while (2) maintaining joy and appreciation for life. Actually, think of (1) and (2) having a directly proportional relationship--the more we (1) stay "grounded" and mindful of our powerlessness against the forces of death, we (2) treasure the what few moments we have left in this thing called "life" all the more. (+/+)

Okay, obviously these thoughts are nothing new, but they're good to revisit now and then when I feel on the brink of despair. Death, decay, decomposition--they're unstoppable. Duh. It's weird but sometimes people seem to die in droves, and when that happens, it's tough to keep ya' head up. It's so easy to fall into the "Y EVERY1 DYING MY LYFE IS MEANINGLESS" but I try and rally and tell myself to FIGHT to just appreciate life and its treasures, even when I feel like those very things are being ripped from me. Ugh, sorry, this is just totally abstract, but I'm making peace with myself--this is just how I roll so deal with it. I would like to end with an overused yet apropos quote.

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

-Gabriel Garcia Marquez or Dr. Seuss, take your pick (source disputed)

At Thurgood Marshall, "The Dream Is Alive!!!"

Today was my last day of volunteering at Thurgood Marshall Elementary School. It crept up on me--it's like, just when I feel like I've built up momentum, things get cut short. Yet, as it says in Ecclesiastes, There is a time for everything... Being in Ms. Pan's class every week has been so therapeutic to me! To see the kids smile when I enter the room in the morning is something I'll never forget. There were definitely times (especially when there was a substitute teacher) that I felt so exasperated that I just wanted to sock 'em, but I have surely grown attached to them. But once again, it's another goodbye, and I release them into the Lord's hands. It's like scattering someone's ashes to the wind.. kinda.

I wanted to share with you the "drama production" that the kids performed last Friday called "When I think of a friend." Each of the students were placed into groups and each created a statement of "When I think of a friend.." For each sentence the group made a tableaux, a posed snapshot to capture the meaning of the words:

Group One: Felisha, Galeah, Amiria, Martin and Janelle--
When I think of a friend I think of someone who...

• helps me when I'm going through rough times
• will play with me in gymnastics
• welcomes me warmly
• is helpful
• supports and encourages me to do the right thing

Group Two: Kiana, Dez'Wonique, Abdikadir, Jordan and Au
When I think of a friend I think of someone...

• who can keep all my secrets and giggle with me
• who cares for me when I get hurt
• that can be honest with me
• who helps me score a goal in soccer
• that dances with me

Group Three: Mia, Halimo, Isaaq and Mohamud
When I think of a friend I think of someone who...

• helps me with a math problem
• plays tag with me
• helps me when I'm dizzy
• that plays soccer with me
• plays basketball with me

Group Four: Salat, Arturo, Lavontre, Amina and Katana
When I think of a friend I think of someone who...

• welcomes me to a new neighborhood
• is playful
• helps me stay on my health
• helps me when I get hurt
• helps me on a hard problem

Group Five: Ibrahim, Olga, Anaiya, Sergio and Russell
When I think of a friend I think of someone who...

• can play tag with me
• will play a game with me
• helps me
• cares for me

WHEN I THINK OF A FRIEND I THINK OF SOMEONE WHO WILL HAVE A GOOD TIME WITH ME!!!!!!

Aren't they just the cutest???

To close, here is a picture of the kids out front of the Underground Seattle Tour office:

 

It was sad hugging them all goodbye today, but I know they've got enough spark to make it through the rest of their lives with flying colors. So thankful to have spent this year with them!!!!

Last Day of School!

So today I finished up for the school year! I must admit, I feel a bit strange. The hilarious thing is, people can tell. They say, "Wow, you seem really happy." It's a huge relief and I feel so free! I can't wait to take a break from all the dramatic seriousness that is the savior-complex of the school of social work. Lighten up, peeps!

Since everything is wrapping up, I'm getting all reflective... I love to reminisce and be sentimental. Today Hillary & I were walking home from getting smoothies and thinking about all the breakfasts we've made together with Faith. I met with Kristen today and we agreed that it seemed just yesterday that we were getting lunch together at the HUB. The years are flying by.

I <3 Hillary!

As brutal as this year may have been (with dreary weather and faith crisis and burnout), there are definitely things to be thankful for. What I cherish most about this year is all of the friendships! It was definitely tough to leave high school and lose my posse..but it's so cool now to be building networks at UW. I'm thankful for all the wonderful memories with Hillary & Faith--grocery shopping, cooking, playing volleyball, watching movies, quoting them and just talking about life! I once asked them, "Is this what it's like to have a sister?" I have truly learned the value of living with other Christians and sharing in fellowship together. It's been a blast!

Brittany and I are buds..

My peers at the school of social work have just been super awesome, too. It's amazing to be around such passionate, caring, like-minded people. I'm thankful for Tania, who I bonded with on the really discouraging lobby day for immigrant rights/services. I'm thankful for Kayla (who, sadly, is leaving the program!) and Kanchan--I'll never forget going to coffee with the two of them and finally realizing I wasn't alone in my distress because of the class content. And of course, Brittany has been such a wonderful new friend to me, I can't even express it with words! She is a ray of sunshine in my life. When I prayed for ONE friend in freshman year, I was super happy to find Hillary. Brittany, too? I am just tooooooo blessed. From spur-of-the-moment ice skating to earring beading to watching the "Double Rainbow Song" and Mi Pecado, I've just had so much fun hanging out with her!

And also, though I can't quite yet articulate it in words yet, I feel as if God has done a lot for me this year to establish me in my faith and prepare me for the future, whatever it may hold. I just have a sense of peace and a sort of inner equanimity about all the "tough things" in the world--like ya, it's going to be all right. Anyway..

I find myself thinking about the things I am going to miss about my life here at UW, living in the Cliff House. Move out day is a little over a week away! I'll definitely miss Ten Thousand Villages (I am SO going there tomorrow!). And the millions of bus routes here. I'll miss hosting kick-@$$ parties with Hillz & Faith. There are so many little things! But until I actually move out, I'm going to soak up every little moment and every little blessing!--like walking home from U Village today as the sun was setting and enjoying the smell of summer, vibrant colors of grass & trees and the happy energy of students exulting in the end of the school year.

Cheers!

My Friends!!!

My Family!

My Fellow Social Workers!