Thursday, March 01, 2012

Asking for Help

So this past couple of weeks has been pretty challenging on the caregiver front with my grandparents. Had a pretty bad scare last week when my grandma fell--just THUD! SPLAT!--in the kitchen. I mean, at one point I was about to laugh out loud at how absurd and crazy it was. I had to drag her along the ground, on her back, through the kitchen into the living room so that my grandpa and I could lift her up to a sitting position on the couch. I mean, it's that bad. She's so frail that she can't lift herself up from lying down to sitting up. She couldn't even use her legs to scoot. I mean, imagine an upturned beetle on its back, skinny legs flailing about to no avail. Her appendages have gotten that spindly, I swear.

In the aftermath I was anxious and panicked and generally having thoughts of "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" However, in my long journey as caregiver I have found that in these moments of utter helplessness/feelings of futility it's simplest and best to ask for help. One of the singular and most unhealthy beliefs for caregivers is the "I can make it on my own" mentality--like suffering in silence is noble or something.

If we all just had an adequate dose of humility, we'd all realize that we are no one's savoir and that the only way that we can ever take care of someone is with the help of others! There would be SO MANY less burnt-out, unhappy, emotionally-martyred people in the world. My theory is that each caregiver in the world must stand upon the shoulders of at least seven close friends and supporters that will cheer them on, pick them up when they're down and share the burden. We all need a "team" to hold us up when we're too crumpled to stand on our own.

I'm very thankful for my friends and family that have helped me through the ups and downs of living with my grandparents. This is dedicated to you!


  1. Dearest April, Thank you for allowing us to be part of your support team as you care for Grandma and Grandpa. I can only thank God that you are not alone and you have your parents and the Hiratas near by.... I only wish that we could be there too but we are here in prayer. We all love Grandma and Grandpa sooo much and it hurts to see them decline in their health... but the Lord loves them even more than we do. He loves them so much, He provided you to be right there... it had to be very traumatic for you but thank God was okay and nothing was broken and she didn't have a concussion!! Let us know if there are specific ways we can help ... even if it is from down here!!

  2. you are so wise.
    i hope your grandparents find the extra, not-just-april support they need at this time in their lives., a beetle.